I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
