good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
