if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
