and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize