So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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