I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
