Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
