I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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