listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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