It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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