OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
