My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
