i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
