Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
