New low: just hacked my moms facebook
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
