is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
