She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
