just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
