Life is so much better after having sex.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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