Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
