pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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