I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't want my vagina anymore.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
