i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
