I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
