you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
