Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I would fuck him just for his dog
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
