just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize