dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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