no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
