i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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