My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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