At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
