whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize