weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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