I just cut my nipple shaving
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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