I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My dick has a subreddit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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