How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
