I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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