I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize