Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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