Ambien. No doubt about it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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