Just fell off a train. Bad.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
