Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
