if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
