This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
