well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
