I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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