I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
