I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
