I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
