so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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