If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
try to milk me bitch
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
