i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
