I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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