the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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