9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
