if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
