Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
