I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize