he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
