I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
