The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The adults are the big ones right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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