I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
