Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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