I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
