Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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