I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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