Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
