That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
