they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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