I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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