insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
